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The Love~Listen~Talk~Repeat podcast is all about relationships, and things that can cause problems within them. Each week I invite a guest to share their personal or professional insights and advice on how to deal with them, as well as offering my personal tips.

Aug 10, 2018

As a Relationship coach I see lots of people who are struggling with issues related to relationships. Either they keep attracting the wrong person or they are unhappy in the relationship in which they are in.

What does being good fit mean?

In this podcast I talk about the importance of ensuring you and your partner are a good fit.

What it doesn't mean is just the superficial outside packaging.  

Of course, if physical appearance is important to you, then that is relevant, but if you unwrap the pretty gift wrap on the outside and the inside doesn’t live up to what you expected then you are going to be quickly disillusioned.

Let’s face it, physical looks change as we get older, and whilst cosmetic surgery can help, there is a limit to the changes it can make, and its costly! If an exotic lifestyle is the attraction – what happens if the money dries up?

Will there be enough in the relationship to keep it together?

Is it important that you like all the same activities and hobbies? Not necessarily –   but if one of you loves adventure and outdoor activities and the other hates all that, preferring instead to read a book, watch TV  all day-  it could cause problems.

It’s important to have  quality time together, at the same time pursuing your own interests.

A great sex life is important to many,  (some couples don’t always need that) but you can’t base your relationship on sex alone. You have to work and do the chores too!

So what makes a good fit?

Having the same core beliefs and values is the foundation of any good long term committed relationship. Wanting the same things in life, which will be different for each person, but it could  include things like where you live, whether or not you both want children, if you consider careers are important.

To take an example, if one person is adventurous and wants to travel the world, and the other doesn’t want to move from the town they grew up in, needing to have strong roots, its likely to cause real issues.  Resentments often arise when one person has to compromise.

And that can lead to the relationship breaking down.

Or it could be that one works away for long periods of time. Perhaps they are in the military. This can be really tough on the one left at home, they can feel they have to keep everything running at home on their own, being a lone parent for long periods of time, no one there to share the burden and responsibilities with.  Again, resentments can build up, affairs can occur because one or other feels  lonely and neglected .

If one partner wants children and the other doesn’t this can cause major issues, and can e a real game changer.  I have also seen relationships where one has tried to change their partner’s mind, with disastrous effects, with that partner feeling they have been tricked, or manipulated into doing something they really didn’t sign up to.  Even worse some trick them into parenthood.

Whilst in the throws of initial love you may feel that everything will just fall into place, and those issues you felt were just little niggles would resolve themselves in time. Sadly it doesn’t always happen that way.

  • Think about what is important to you, because until you do, you won’t know the kind of relationship and partner you want
  • Talk about them to your partner and whether your core beliefs and values are in line with each other.

Don’t try to be what you think the other person wants, it will likely end in tears. Broken hearts and unfulfilled dreams.

 

 

Wendy Capewell

Wendy Capewell

ABOUT WENDY CAPEWELL

Wendy is a Relationship Coach, Public Speaker and Author. She helps people  improve their confidence, and self- esteem and communication skills which in turn improves their personal and professional relationships.

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Website – www.yourrelationshipspecialist.co.uk

Book –‘From Surviving to Thriving in a Romantic Relationship’- Link to Amazon

Email – wendy@yourrelationshipspecialist.co.uk

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